Family

I know that people really mean well. So next time you pay a shiva call, think before you go - How can I make the person and or people sitting shiva feel more comfortable?

It might be prudent to explore why you have kept this secret. Sometimes we are conditioned to be ashamed, embarrassed, and diminished by those who love us best because they worry about shidduchim, or perceived judgment they imagine you will face.

There was a time, not too long ago, when being a good parent was the most valued achievement in our community... Today, we pay a great deal of lip service to this concept, but in practice, we allow many other priorities, such as succeeding in our careers, social obligations and self-fulfillment, to compete with the one we profess to cherish most.

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Relationships are complicated. Children react differently to their parents. Unfortunately in many situations that I work with, the in-law children sometimes influence their spouses to have less derech eretz for their parents.

Many couples in your circle will get married and build loving and successful lives together. They are the waves we can rely on. They reassure us and give us hope for ourselves.

It is crucial for parents to think clearly and stay calm – not an easy thing to do when a child is in the midst of a full blown tantrum, complete with kicking, screaming, and breaking things. Parents should also avoid turning the episode into a power struggle.

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Unfortunately, often parents can raise many children while many children cannot always care for their parents properly. It is so important that those who are suffering have a support group to turn to to help them through this difficult time period.

If a kallah was writing with this question about her chosson, I believe that there would be little to no pushback. A girl is allowed to notice clothing, but a guy is not?

What is the nature of these social disabilities and what, if anything, can parents do to help their children and adolescents fit in?

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I know that we have little control in our life other than how we will handle the challenges that Hashem gives us. We can only work on ourselves.

Sometimes we want something so much that we negate things that typically matter to us.

Now, watching her daughter’s forlorn profile through the window, Miriam thought, Riki was once a good, happy kid. I don’t know what’s going on but I’m going to find a way back to that place. There has to be a way.

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Perhaps you can ask directly for more help from your other siblings. Share with them how much you would appreciate their direct help as your one sister does.

I agree that a six-week break so early in your dating process is complicated and perhaps even unrealistic. When your connection is still so tenuous and new, it can be hard to nurture it with six weeks dividing you.

In retrospect, I never was able to get my act together. My childhood was marked by disorganization and clumsiness. I never had pens or loose leaf paper, my briefcase was always a mess, and I was a chronic latecomer. I remember several particularly painful episodes.

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Every situation is different. Also, it is important to try to remember that your children may still love you, even if they don’t come for the holidays. Perhaps they have more difficult children or really need more space for whatever reason.

It is true that if you date your friend’s brother and it doesn’t work, even with care and respect, it is unlikely that your friendship would be unaffected. He is her brother, her family, and as much as she loves you, there is great potential for awkwardness at the very least, and even a ruined friendship.

It doesn’t matter how good a parent you are, your kids will at some point feel that a sibling got more attention, more gifts, or more cake than they did.

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I tell you this story as a way of giving you chizuk to do what is not simple.

I appreciate your position. I really do. At the same time, the chance (even the small chance) that this could be your happily ever after means that you need to try.

Of course, you both feel torn when faced with their concerns. They are your parents and you are conditioned to agree with them. At the same time, their disagreements are not yours, and are creating painful conflict between a couple that otherwise feels just right.

The problem arises when the peers are not all you would have liked them to be, and your child is facing some strong pressure to conform to standards that he knows are not acceptable or, at best, can be found in the murky ‘grey area.’

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You will ultimately work less hard if your children and grandchildren are involved. Complimenting them for helping you will also build their self-esteem. Additionally, they will learn how to deal more effectively with their own children if you delegate tasks to your children and demonstrate appreciation.